


Drifted Away

by Crimson_angel03



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-01-26 10:17:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21372541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimson_angel03/pseuds/Crimson_angel03
Summary: It hasn't always been like this ,,,but recently I haven't been feeling right. I haven't been able to sleep, but I want to, so badly. I know I'm alive because I can feel this pain ebbing inside of me , yet I don't feel like I'm actually living. Breathing is hard for me, every breath is labored, and I can feel the pain from the effort build up in my chest with every breath that I take.  I don't care enough to be sarcastic or petty anymore like I once was, I'm broken , beyond caring what I look like or come off as to others. I don't have the urge to use my voice anymore. it was stolen by silence. I cant meet anyone in the eye, because I am no longer proud enough to hold my head up high. I hate the person that I have allowed myself to become. I'm dark and emotional sick and twisted, an I'm tired of having to live my life like this. emotionally, physically, spiritually, and in every way possible I am tired of life. I don't understand why Im here, and I don't really have any self worth left or respect for myself at this point. Im at an all time low, and he didn't help. He broke every promise and discarded and treated me like trash. I don't know my self worth anymore.
Relationships: A thrilling game of heart-tug-of-war, Angst - Relationship, Anxiety/Depression/Fear (Anthropomorphic), Dark - Relationship, FLASHBACKS - Relationship, Fluff - Relationship, IMMA CRY WRITING THIS, Journey - Relationship, MANY TOPICS MAY SEEM HARD TO HANDLE AND COPE WITH, Mysterious - Relationship, POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDERS, Romantic Relationships - Relationship, Smut - Relationship, THIS STORY GONNA BE HELLA DEEP ASF, THIS STORY IS PROLLY VERY DEPPRESSING, THIS STORY MAY MAKE YOU CRY, arguments - Relationship, confusion - Relationship, death - Relationship, deep struggles and inner conflicts, dirty jokes - Relationship, fear of being alone - Relationship, feelings of discontent, hard to face concepts of life, heartbreaking - Relationship, hoplessness - Relationship, kinky - Relationship, life struggles - Relationship, losing will to live, murder assasination, negative coping skills, pain and suffering - Relationship, painful - Relationship, prey vs. hunter, ptsd - Relationship, real life problems - Relationship, strenght - Relationship, suffering of feelings, travel - Relationship, undisclosed desires - Relationship, unreturned feelings - Relationship, utterly depressing - Relationship
Comments: 14





	1. Flashback to reality

**Author's Note:**

> I need you all to know before you read this , that this is a mature novel that I am writing and will display very deep and explicit content , about abuse and other things similar to it, such as mental illnesses and such. For some I do not recommend they read, because it may tear some of you apart. Especially if you are a victim.This story Could really damage some people, or severely trigger you. . This is your warning. if you need to vent or talk through this book, I am here for you :) but plz support me. thank you so much , my readers I love and appreciate you all so much ! here's the summary ~ It hasn't always been like this ,,,but recently I haven't been feeling right. I haven't been able to sleep, but I want to, so badly. I know I'm alive because I can feel this pain ebbing inside of me , yet I don't feel like I'm actually living. Breathing is hard for me, every breath is labored, and I can feel the pain from the effort build up in my chest with every breath that I take. I don't care enough to be sarcastic or petty anymore like I once was, I'm broken , beyond caring what I look like or come off as to others. I don't have the urge to use my voice anymore. it was stolen by silence. I cant meet anyone in the eye, because I am no longer proud enough to hold my head up high. I hate the person that I have allowed myself to become. I'm dark and emotional sick and twisted, an I'm tired of having to live my life like this. emotionally, physically, spiritually, and in every way possible I am tired of life. I don't understand why Im here, and I don't really have any self worth left or respect for myself at this point. Im at an all time low, and he didn't help. He broke every promise and discarded and treated me like trash. I don't know my self worth anymore. I need to find myself again, but I don't know If I'm strong enough. cus it was apparently too much for the summary column.<3.

My boyfriend gave me a hug for the first time today.  
~ FlashBack~  
"stop! Stop, let me go"I'm struggling to break free from my captor, who is aggressively pining me down by my wrists above my head. Yelling in my ear to "shut the fuck up" and " stay still." I can feel his breath on the back of my neck, its hot and unpleasant. I can feel his weight onto of mine, pressing me down onto the carpeted floor, crushing me and I can't breath. My head is spinning, with thoughts and my fears that I cant lose my virginity like this. Not to this jerk who smells like alcohol and sweat. He needs a shower, the very thought of him touching me repulses me and is enough to make me try and break free. I'm kicking out with my legs , and wiggling as best I can until he slams my head into the carpet and uses his other hand to pull down my panties. , ruling back so that he's sitting on my knees, I cant move, I have nowhere to go or run to , no-one can hear my screams for help. I'm alone with this man. I have never felt so helpless and afraid in my whole entire life. I can feel him probing my womanhood.I feel so disgusted but all I can do is sit here and cry in protest as he spits disgusting words out his mouth and continues to violate me in ways I never imagined possible. I want to curl up in a ball and die. " you are so tight, I bet you're a virgin. Aren't you? , answer me little bitch." he starts off whispering but raises his voice in the end.he pulls my head up and I gasp out in pain and needing to breath. My tears are making everything blurry. This is not what a first experience should be like. This is so wrong.

His hands burn where he is pulling the roots of my hair. It hurts so bad, nothing about this feels good to me at all. I hear all my friends talking about how great their sexual experiences are like, but if this is how it is I don't ever want to be touched again. I can feel it when he sticks his hard throbbing cock into me. I felt something rip and I screamed, but it came out as a gurgle and silent air. He didn't even give me time to adjust before he thrust into me sloppily, chasing a high that he yearned for, and using me like cattle to achieve it. I felt lower than the shit that covers the ocean floor. I saw nothing but white and a ringing in my ears.I just wanted him to stop. I felt liquid running down my leg and he commented that he popped my cherry, and sounded proud of himself as he started to laugh and ask me if I liked it, if he was making me feel good. I couldn't respond, but most definitely, I was not enjoying myself.I had always envisioned my first time to be with the person I would love, ad we would be happy, and romantic and passionate. I wanted a gentle love, but now my dream is being torn away from me by the hands of a heartless ass. I'll never love anyone, i'll never touch anyone, i'll never let anyone touch me again.He keeps going for a while, I don't know how much time has passed, but my legs feel numb and I cant even cry out anymore. My throat is swollen from being choked and screaming for the help I needed that never came.

that changed the course of my life in more ways than I ever knew it would.

~end of flashback ~ 

" Genevieve!? Gennie ! " I hear shouting but I cant see anything, everything is black. I can feel hands on my shoulders.  
I open my eyes and see him- its only my boyfriend- Jaecar woodman.  
the first words out of my mouth are " I'm sorry" he has never had to see me like this.  
his first words were " are you ok?!" he looked really concerned.  
I nodded, but moved away from his embrace, unable to stand being touched by someone. He has no idea, no-one does. I'm not ready to do this yet. " I'm so sorry" I whisper and run off into my house leaving him looking worried and staring after my retreating form, as he yells to me " ill text you later." but I'm already gone.


	2. sHE'S brOKen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He cant take it anymore. And he doesn't understand.

The next week at school was different. Me and Jaecar have barely talked , I feel like he may be avoiding me ever since my flashback. I Didn't mean to run from him, I just needed to go home, and I felt ashamed to look at him. I feel bile rise up in my throat and I throw up my lunch into the toilet. I've been so stressed recently, but I'm not exactly making it any easier on myself by holding it in and keeping what's bothering me to myself. He asked me to come to the lunchroom today......and he shoved a note my way for me to just barley grab it and then took off running away from me. I didn't know what to expect. I took a seat and gently unfolded the note, it was in red marker and looked like he barely put any thought into writing it at all, like he just quickly wrote it down.  
my heart leapt at the first sentence: it read " Gennie- I think that you are the most amazing and adorable and super cute and cool girl." I was confused where this was going, but it certainly was not how I was expecting it to go after I continued reading. " but recently, the past week I have not been happy. I don't think that was ready for a real relationship right now, you're a great person and I totally wouldn't mind being friends with you, if you wanted to be friends with me. I just need some time to figure things out. Im Sorry. I hope that you can understand, and that you won't be mad, but I just don't have feelings for you anymore, I lost interest in you. - sincerely Jaecar."  
My heart swelled with pain. I didn't understand, he just broke up with me and I have no idea what I even did wrong. I love him, but I guess thats not good enough.

the tears start steaming down my face without warning, they do nothing to numb the pain I feel. I can't even feel them as they run like the rivers on a map, run down my face, leaving streak marks. I ran out of the lunch room, looking for him, but he disappeared like a ghost. It couldn't end like this, there was so much more I wanted to do with him, we barley got to anything, I loved him. It baffled me how he said he felt the same just the day before then miraculously broke up with me the next day. He has no idea the effect he had on me, I started to let my guard down, I started to let someone in, I trusted him with my whole heart and I genuinely started to fall for him, I love him. The bell rang for next class but my stomach was doing flips, it hurt I felt my heart in my throat. Ive never felt this much pain before in my chest. This must be the feeling of a heart breaking. maybe I got too attached and got too used to being someone he loved. maybe I got boring because I got too comfortable with him. I walk to class feeling defeated and sink into my chair right as the late bell rings. I can feel the notes weight in my pocket, I never knew paper could be so heavy before. I put in my earbuds and zoned out laying my head down to cry. Im so thankful for sitting in the back.

thoughts of how he could of broken up with me were the only thing running thru my head, every song I listened to carried a memory or made me think of him. It made my heart clench tighter in my chest. I could feel it, every single beat brought on a new wave of pain. I was trembling, my hands were shaking. Im sorry I couldn't make him happy, I didn't know he wasn't happy with me. I tried, I thought he was, there was no indication he wasn't. I was blinded by my own happiness with him. Had I know it was going to end like this I would have never talked to him. I wasted my time with it. I tried something new and got hurt. Fucked around and caught feelings. My bad. The bell rings, I feel like I sat in this class forever with these thought in my head. The rest of the day went the same way. He ignored me all day, I seen him in the hallway sometimes, on the ways we similar took to our classes, I used to walk beside him, hand In hand, but now I trail behind an ache in my chest and an empty hand missing his in my ow, yearning for the warmth that ill never agin receive. Watching him smile and laugh with his friends like he didn't just break up with someone he said he cared and loved so much broke my heart. He acted like it wasn't a big deal, he was acting unaffected, like he didn't care about me at all. It made me want to die. I cant believe he told me last night that he loved me , and all these sweet things, he was just leading me on. Maybe, he even enjoyed it. Maybe his friends knew about it and they had fun seeing me hurt, and tormenting me until I broke.   
Seventh period was worse, because we had it together. I knew he wasn't going to sit next to me like he did when we were together. He wasn't going to stop and hug me or peck me on the cheek like we sneakily did before the teacher came into class. I was going to miss it.I feel like I wasn't good enough. I don't know what I did wrong. He knew I loved him, but you cant force someone to love you back, thats a hard concept to accept. The heart does some really crazy things to our minds, doesn't it..? He didn't even look at me as he walked right into class then took his seat, completely ignoring me. I looked down the whole time. Looking at him reminded me of everything I just lost, everything I would never have again, Everything I wanted. He was it. the only thing on my mind that night before I went to bed was him, and two words finally put my tear stroked and puffy face to sleep that night: FUCK LOVE, I repeated it as I cried my heart out bashing in my pillow. Exhausted from the long day I had, I finally fell to sleep. Happy Halloween to me.


	3. What are we doing now.

I miss him, so much that it hurts and there's been a black fog hovering over me threatening to rain down at any moment. I can feel the gloom and dismal sadness ebbing in my chest and surrounding me , consuming me.It's been weeks, I can't tell you how many times I have found myself thinking about him, wanting to text him, email him, see him, to feel him, to have and to love, to feel loved by the one person who somehow meant the world to me, and I can't even understand why. We did nothing special, he barely had time for me and he lied while he was with me, even putting me second to his friends. I never minded it, I never even confronted nor questioned him about it, I was pretty understanding for a girlfriend. even when he broke up with me, I. still was open and understood that, but- for some reason I cant bring myself to get him off my mind. I still find him attractive, when he was mine, he at least treated me right. Even if it was fake, I fell for it, everything he ever said or did for me, I fell for every cute little thing that we did.The idea that someone else could do that with him too made me feel sick to my stomach and my heart ache with an unbearable pain. I found it endearing, the things we did, and the part that's hurting me the most is the thought that he will find someone else, because I'm the only one who really fell, my bad. He was leading me on, playing me, I don't really know why- he had nothing to gain from someone like me. I still wonder why I'm to good enough. Funny how quickly people change and things switch up in the blink of an eye. one day we were lovers the next it was a petty fight. I still didn't understand it. He's started acting distant and rude as well now. spreading negative rumors, lies, and verbally being rude to me. I think he finds it amusing and likes seeing me hurt by his words, I've been indifferent, I wont let him see how hurt I really am. I wont give him the satisfaction of seeing how he broke me, but there are days when its hard to smile and laugh like everything is fine, when he's over there crushing the heart I gave him in his hand watching me, waiting to see how I crumble like a cookie under his hot and harsh glare. It makes me uncomfortable being by him.But It also makes me sad to be away from him. It's an awkward tension, but he had created it , and I don't know why he's acting like this.If anything I should be the one who Is acting petty and all mopey around and rude, I'm the one who got dumped after all, by note on a holiday, my favorite holiday at that, not anymore. I kinda figured this would happen, I have messages between me and my best friend a few days before the break-up, telling him how I felt that Jaecar was losing feelings for me, because I could feel it. It was a crushing and heavy weight on my chest. I hoped to god that I was wrong and just overthinking, but it turned out to be true.   
We barely did anything together but I cherished what we did have. We had spent one time together outside of school, and it was a homecoming football game. I had gone with one of my best friends, I was spending the weekend at her house and it was going to be an epic weekend. * starts flashback to game*   
It was a cold night, I was in a red flow tank top and thick black leggings with a leather jacket, hair down light makeup on, gum in my pocket like any couple should carry around just in case, after all no-one wants to kiss someone who has stank breath. I even applied some perfume to make sure I smelled good, but that day I dyed my hair brown and showered anyhow as soon s I got to my friends house. we took our seats, and he wasn't there yet, I was hungry and so I got a slice of pizza and a chill cheese dog for my friend. not long after I finished eating he showed up looking all cute and shit in a tee over a long sleeve shirt and ripped jeans, he was mouthwatering hot, and he smelled good too, but my friend cracked a joke about him wearing too much cologne, maybe that was true. But damn, who knew that a boys cologne could smell so intoxicatingly seductive. He sat down next to me, and. swear to god I forgot how to speak, what are words even ? you ever fall for someone so hard they knock the breath and common sense outta you? Its like they make you forget everything but them. you gotta like snap outta it.   
he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me as I rested my head on his shoulders in the crook of his neck, taking in his scent and the way his pulse seated in his neck. Like a perfect drum beat. I could have stayed in his arms forever and be the happiest girl in the whole world, I felt so safe.* end flashback for now* little did I know I felt safe in the arms of someone I should have never trusted to begin with. I fell for someone who turned out to be the fakest person that I had ever met.   
I miss him, it's 7th period and he takes his new seat, him and his friend traded just so that I could not see him and he wouldn't have to see me either. 

I sent him this one day when it got to be too much for me .

GENNIE 5:41 A.M. 12/11/19  
I don’t know why you are such a butthead, I came over with jay jay to apologize, for what I emailed you the other day. Because after I thought about it, I felt bad about it. someone told me a few different things that you were saying to them, I didn’t know if it was accurate or not, but I also don’t know with you. I was upset because a few days earlier you emailed about not hating me, and wanting to be friends, then out of no-where this person tells me all this stuff, and it seemed to be true, I wanted to believe that you didn’t say that, but I can’t , your actions make it difficult to not believe them. Also, the fact that this person has never lied to me, and always kept it 100% with me. The indirect comments you would make, I heard them all, I kept to myself. It’s just you I would say to myself and brush it off. I don’t know if you hate me or not, you say that you don’t, but the way you act and the things people tell me say otherwise, you are so confusing. I don’t know if it has to be like this cus im your ex or whatever, but honestly , I’m so over that. You don’t have to be petty cus I’m an ex. I mean, you are my ex too, and I don’t do the things to you, that you do to me. I treat you like a friend the same way that I treat all of my friends, except a few things are different, I have more boundaries with you, since you are also an ex and I respect your space. But all my friends mean a lot to me.  
I treat you pretty well, for someone who got dumped by a note on Halloween. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, and I was very understanding. I didn’t overreact and I respected you. you don’t get that with many ex’s. I’m kinda chill, and you don’t treat me like a friend, even a distant one, I have aquaintances that I treat better.  
But I wanted to apologize for the mean and backhanded email that I sent you the other day, I thought about it, being like that is not something that I like doing, I don’t have it in me to put in the effort that It takes to be rude or passive-aggressive towards you. there are so many other things to focus on. The memes I sent that day, were a joke and not meant to be taken so seriously, almost like your jokes to me.  
But seriously, the petty- immature side commentary and passive aggressive comments need to stop. What did I do to you to make you so damn mad at me? Really? Cus honestly it is baffaling to me how I was nice, and very understanding and cordial , and you just acted petty and upset with me, it was like I broke up with you, damn, shouldn’t I be the petty one, and the one who’s upset about it? And even if I was, I haven’t taken it out on you. I bet if I did, that you would not appreciate it.  
I do not hate you, I just get irritated by some of the comments that you make.

Can’t we just act like mature people and not be so petty, or talk behind each others backs? I’m sure it doesn’t make you very happy. Wouldn’t it be easier to be nice to each other rather than feel tense whenever we see each other. I want a truce with you Jaecar. Im so tired of this petty Bull, its not needed, we are both cool people.

His response to me proved to me how much of a complete asshole and jerk that he really was , and I cant believe I didn't realize it sooner. 

RE: JAECAR 8:51 A.M. 12/11/19 

alright. but stop emailing me please. i better not see another email from you again

and that was that, because I had never responded.


End file.
